Smug? Check.
A face you have an irrepressible compulsion to punch? Check.
Ambitious as he is talentless? Yup.
Able to convey vapidity with almost artistic effortlessness? You betcha.
Give this man a talk show!
Full disclosure: I have no legitimate gripe with this guy; I haven’t watched Saturday Night Live since Dennis Miller stopped doing Weekend Update (you know, back in the days when he was still funny, before his body was invaded by aliens that transformed him into an unfunny Republican prick who appears on Fox News grovelling at the fetid altar of Bill O’Reilly). So I honestly can’t comment on whether Fallon was worthwhile on SNL, or if any of his movies are worth a shit. I mean, I can’t say conclusively but I’m willing to go out on a limb and take a guess…
(Of course, being a Red Sox fan, he didn’t do himself any favors with me by starring in what looked like an insufferable, sappy, distinctly unamusing film called Fever Pitch (itself a typically bungled Hollywood bastardization of a great idea: Nick Hornby’s novel of the same name…which kind of made sense as a brilliant play on words, a soccer (i.e. football) field being called a pitch which, of course, does not translate into American, or baseball). Consider Ben Affleck: Red Sox fans, and Bostonians need no assistance in further caricaturizing themselves (ever been here? Wow. I’ve been there, and I like going there. I want them on that hill; I need them on that hill…but I can safely declare that when it comes to websites dedicated to discussing inordinately unimportant issues like sports teams, let me channel Woody Allen via Groucho Marx and maintain that I would never join a club that would have me as a member). Frankly, the world is split up into three groups when it comes to the Red Sox: people who love them, people who hate them, and people who could give a fuck. Fortunately for us all, the latter group comprises the overwhelming majority of the human race. In any event, this is ground exhaustively, and inimitably, covered by Bill Simmons, to whom I happily defer. But one last thought: I can’t recall where I read this, but I’m quite certain that it wasn’t a nightmare and I’m correct in remembering that Fallon, in a moment that revealed the considerable depths of his fatuous imbecility, actually remarked, while promoting Fever Pitch, that although he grew up in NYC and was, of course, a die-hard Yankees fan, he also considered himself a Red Sox fan. Seriously. Inexcusable, either as the blatant act of red-carpet pandering that it was, or–even worse–a genuinely felt sentiment, thus negating his status forever as credible sports fan or dude.)
Of course, all of this bile is coming from a guy who takes pictures like this:
So, to summarize: I have no skin in this game. Since I don’t watch late night TV, it won’t matter to me whether he succeeds or fails. Let’s just say I suspect that we’re about to witness history repeating itself vis-a-vis another former Weekend Update anchor who ventured haplessly into the deep and dangerous prime-time waters:
I’m glad I found this clip from the subsequent SNL skit wherein Chevy Chase lampoons that unfortunate time when he was unintentionally (and painfully) amusing. Wait, this is an actual clip from his incredibly short-lived show? No, really. Is it possible that its reality was even worse than we remember? No chance. Really?
As always: all hail YouTube. And, wow. Wow!
