When you’ve lost a parent, one of the remarkable things that happens is you start to act like a parent. All you think, when asked what you want, is for them to be happy. That’s all: that plain, that impossible.
When it came to the prospect of my father finding someone, I would offer the same response, as it happened to be the truth: I just want him to be happy.
Of course, you secretly hope for more than that. Would it be fathomable for him to find a best friend? Fulfillment? Is it reasonable to hope this person can do more than fit in, but become a valued and loved member of the family?
I bear witness today to the glorious fact that all of these things have happened, and I feel blessed. We are all fortunate to have Andrea in our family, and she made herself a most welcome addition from the earliest days.
Indeed, our initial concerns revolved not around whether my father would fully embrace her as a partner, but whether she would stick around after she got to know the real Jack Murphy.
Kidding, of course, but I also speak as someone who knows my father as well as anyone. In addition to the memories, good fortune and baggage this entails, I can say that I have developed a strong sense of what makes him tick, what makes him happy; what he’s looking for.
It was then, both a relief and astonishment to see him so content, so at peace. And it’s not because Andrea is blind to his idiosyncrasies or unwilling to assert herself. On the contrary, she challenges him and because he is a smart, stubborn, confident man, he welcomes the challenge. She provides companionship, comradery and has become his partner in crime: neither of them are couch potatoes and it’s refreshing to see two adults defy convention, resist age and seize each moment like the treasure that it is.
It is a curious occasion, to find yourself serving as best man for the man who brought you into the world. Like everything about our relationship, especially since 2002, I regard this occasion as a bonus and a blessing. I’ve learned so much from my father, about the world, myself, and him, as not only my old man, but as a man, and it’s an honor to have the opportunity to stand here and confirm that there is no one in the world I admire or respect more than him.
From earliest memory to recent conversations, I find myself grateful to know this is a person I can always count on; someone whose moral compass and integrity have never disappointed. I look at peers and am ceaselessly reminded that we are, inevitably, the product of our environment; certainly education and experience give us the chance to evolve and, hopefully, improve, but ultimately we can’t escape the ways we were taught, and the things that were inculcated, from the earliest age.
In my case, I’m not only honored, but humbled, to recognize that I was given instruction–in many senses of the word–by a man who has put in the time, and–as a man who has spent more than a little time in the real world, I can attest–made choices and chosen paths that were neither the easiest nor most efficient: it requires sacrifice, practice and, sometimes, some pain, to live according to an enlightened and upward-reaching goal.
My father has done so, and more, he has served as an example to his children, his colleagues and friends, his grandchildren, and anyone fortunate to know him, as a man of his word, a man who can be relied on to do the right thing, a man with whom you know where you stand. I stand here and am as proud as ever to be his son, and am happy to thank him and celebrate the ways he continues to instruct and inspire me.
He has done much to improve the lives of others; he deserves happiness, peace and adventure and I’m certain he will have all of these things with Andrea. Let’s toast a long, wonderful run for their new life together!
