*Pig Parts Sold Separately.

I don’t know about you, but after a tough day at the office, few things unwind me faster than busting out my broadsword and going to work on some animal flesh.

And if I don’t have any fresh kill available, sometimes bamboo, or thick rope, or huge chunks of ice, or the ever reliable chain-mail will do the trick.

That’s all I got. Look at video below. This, friends, is how you win at the Internet.

(Huge hat-tip to my boy JC for making sure I saw this.)

And yet, it’s not a joke: these guys are for real.

Which means there is a market for swords. And not just swords, but functional swords that can actually do things (like slice through swine snouts, or boots filled with pork parts, or repel aggressive intruders, or simply enable –if not oblige– you to stand in front of the mirror and be that guy).

And for only $569 you can own one too!

(My favorite part? Um…you mean besides the guys in the faux castle going to work on these various objects? Maybe the soundtrack? The super slo-mo? Or the fantasy of rolling into my local butcher, ordering a half-rack of cow and, when the man behind the counter asks how I’d like the cuts prepared, replying “No worries bro, I got it covered.”)

I never played Dungeons and Dragons and I don’t go to Renaissance Fairs. I’m also neither criminally paranoid nor did I spend significant post-college time in my parents’ basement, so I’m having a difficult time understanding the appeal, or who these products are designed for. All I know is I have not seen farm animals get terminated with such extreme prejudice since the epic –and appalling– anti-climax of Apocalypse Now.

But that matters less than the video. I urge you to watch it. I dare you not to reach for your wallet by the mid-way mark (Just kidding. Kind of).

Myself, I have no interest in shooting fire-arms, but if someone wanted to let me borrow one of these swords and attack a field full of carefully planted obstacles, I reckon I’d be game.

And it would be done with the full knowledge that I could never hope to be as cool, or pwn a dead pig, like these dudes.


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