Charles Krauthammer is an Immoral Cretin

First, let’s try to get a handle on what constitutes the GOP braintrust as it’s currently constructed.

In short, it’s sort of like the Three Stooges. No really.

First, you have your commentators and pols who traffic in, and trumpet, a willful ignorance that they wear like a sort of imbecilic armor: the Becks, Palins and Dan Quayle/Scott Brown fake everymen: these are the Curlys in the equation.

Then there are the Larrys: the mostly quiet and uncharismatic foot soliders. This would include the behind-the-scenes operatives like Eric Odom, Allen Fuller, and the lucky ones who cannibalize or fellate their way up the food chain, like the supremely insufferable Ari Fleischer, who quickly –and quite profitably– went into business for himself after he escaped the semi-hot glare of what passes for the White House press corps.

And finally there are the Moes: these are the movers and shakers, the ones who actually break into triple digits on the IQ scale, but either through bitterness, backwards thinking or (most often) the irresistible impetus of the almight dollar, dedicate their intellects and energies to discredited, corrupt and usually evil ends. These are the Cheneys, the Rumsfelds, the Roves and that special breed of insidous insect, the conservative editorialist. There are too many of those to count, and the majority of them are forgettable and feeble, but there are a relative handful that have enormous influence. The unholy trinity of this camp would have to consist of William Kristol, George Will and Charles Krauthammer. Especially Krauthammer.

For Charles Krauthammer, there is no stance too reactionary, no debunked theory too embarrassing to evangelize, no course of action too repugnant to rally around. He is an immoral cretin of the lowest order. He is the kind of guy who wipes a shit-stained finger under his nose just so the smell will remind him to keep his misery and distrust on full operational levels. He, like Dick Cheney, is that rare and revolting human being you can actually imagine being dejected by another person’s good fortune. The type of guy who is suspicious of laughter or anything spontaneous. The kind of creep who, not to put to fine a point on it, one could easily imagine having a black, maggot-ridden sore where his heart should be.

Yeah, and the sun sets in the west and the moon turns the tides. What else is new, you ask?

Well, at times even the most despicable and shameless mouthpieces for evil nose-dive for the depths with such force and shamelessness that it warrants notice. This is one of those times.

Today, The Washington Post, that bastion of neo-con accomodation, uh, I mean liberal media stalwart, provides him –courtesy of his role as regular contributor– the opportunity to take stock of the worst recession since the 1930′s, the worst jobs crisis in memory and a media circus cesspool that masquerades as contemporary political discourse on topics ranging from terror attacks to health care and dedicates an entire column railing about…the space program.

No I’m not making a joke or quoting The Onion. Check out the nauseating spectacle here.

Here’s a quick taste for those too smart, or constitionally ill-equipped to swallow this swill in between meals:

First, there is this gem, which you may have to read at least twice to believe (I just took a third swipe at it and I’m not quite sure chutzpah of this magnitude is even legal):

Of course, the whole Mars project as substitute for the moon is simply a ruse. It’s like the classic bait-and-switch for high-tech military spending: Kill the doable in the name of some distant sophisticated alternative, which either never gets developed or is simply killed later in the name of yet another, even more sophisticated alternative of the further future. A classic example is the B-1 bomber, which was canceled in the 1970s in favor of the over-the-horizon B-2 stealth bomber, which was then killed in the 1990s after a production run of only 21 (instead of 132) in the name of post-Cold War obsolescence.

Yeah I know Charles, because our military spending has not continued to escalate (one is tempted to say skyrocket) each successive year, like fucking clockwork (a clockwork orange, that is). Even after the end of the cold war (and the subsequent despair Krauthammer clearly has never recovered from, at least until 9/11 gave him and his armchair general brethren new lease on life) and “old-school” military engagement, when the concept of actually fighting wars with big, bad aerial bombers seems increasingly archaic. Like something from those (bad) black and white movies that remain the only things able to give you a boner these days. As if the military budget did not increase during Obama’s first year. Not that you’d know this by listening to certifiable mouth-breathers like Kristol, Will and Krauthammer, but it’s the cold, plain truth. You can look it up here (Hat-tip to the ever reliable and ceaselessly sane Glenn Greenwald).

But then there is this which I can only admire. Having balls this big should render one unable to wear pants:

This is nonsense. It would be swell for private compaines to take over launching astronauts. But they cannot do it. It’s too expensive. It’s too experimental. And the safety standards for getting people up and down reliably are just unreachably high.

Is this man for real?

Let’s examine the evidence: Krauthammer will go to the mattresses decrying all-things government (except, of course, military expenditures) but suddenly, launching metal machines into space (for what? for whom?) is not only imperative, but cannot possibly be funded by private companies. YOU MEAN THE SAME PRIVATE SECTOR THAT WALKS ON WATER, WARRANTS NO TAX INCREASES EVER REGARDLESS OF PROFIT, AND CREATES JOBS AND PROVES HOW RECKLESS AND INEFFICIENT AND DOWNRIGHT IRRESPONSIBLE A BLOATED GOVERNMENT IS? No, suddenly this is the one activity so sacrosanct and vital to the national interest that it absolutely obliges government backing.

Translation: Go back to sleep America. Nevermind what I’ve been babbling about for decades, this is not an instance of frivolous government waste that helps bankrupt the country and does no discernible good for hardworking Americans. This is not something we could possibly put off until a time when we are out of the reckless debt the polices Krauthammer did –and still does– espouse; this is not something that would actually slash costs, democratize the dissemination of actual goods and services and enable tax-paying citizens to retain a semblance of security and tangible equity for those tax dollars. In other words, this is nothing at all like health care. No, not at all. And not to worry: we can rest assured that the matter of insuring and protecting the same citizens who pay into the system will be a fight Krauthammer will keep stoking until he finally draws his last rattling and labored breath.

What a degenerate swine. What an immoral cretin.



  1. [...] saith the cretinous Charles Krauthammer in a piece that, unfortunately, makes many valid points about Obama, oil and the state of America [...]

  2. [...] Props to for doing some heavy lifting in the service of exposing hackery this week, courtesy of their amusing –and recommended– “Hack Thirty” feature. In a mild upset, they have decreed the scarcely readable Richard Cohen the hackiest of the bunch. Hard to argue with: on style points alone and the odious mix of shamelessness and opportunism that is his trademark, Cohen is tough to top. Of course, given the chance, I would be unable to elevate anyone above the ceaselessly reliable and cretinous Charles Krauthammer. [...]

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