Texas: The New Island of Misfit Toys?

You know the drill. There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ beard; there is only another fist.

There is also no brain under Chuck Norris’ head; there is only the pre-programmed bluster that enables (compels?) our White-Jesus-With-Muscles fringe to remain undeterred in their conviction that George W. Bush was a great president.

Worried about the big, bad Government taking money out of powerful insurance companies’ pockets to spread around to tax-payers? Don’t fret, Walker Texas Ranger is on the case. Like the tough-talking drugstore cowboy that he is, Norris proudly notes that if (when?) real Americans have had enough, the lone-star state will likely be the first to stoke revolution or, maybe, like, even secede! Let me be the first to say: rock on. Let Texas officially be the island of misfit toys, circa 2009.

Rescue these poor toys and get the True Believers on that island!

Rescue these poor toys and get the True Believers on that island!


One request: make sure you take Ted Nugent with you. If I want to talk about the profound identity politics contained within the lyrics of “Cat Scratch Fever” or the self-empowerment manifesto “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang”, I’ll let you know. Otherwise, get back in the woods and find the same sort of pathetic small-penis distraction in hunting animals that Chuck Norris finds beating up stuntmen. In fact, let The Nuge be Secretary of State. Norris, The Nuge and the Palin Family: an alternative voice for the implacable red-state contingent who feel much better represented by presidents who “spread the wealth” for the wealthiest .01% of the country. (“Screw your Stimulus; we’re hunting for our food from now on!”)

In the end, Norris and The Nuge, annoying as they are, remain innocuous. Clowns who crave the spotlight even as they get older and less relevant. Actually, that’s not fair. Were either of those assholes ever anything approximating relevant? At best, they represent, to intelligent folks, the same sort of things Michael Moore signifies for faithful conservatives. Actually, that’s not fair. Moore, as abrasive and oleaginous as he often is, manages to be correct on issues more often that not. Personally, I’m all for both of these bozos; our comedic plate will never be empty with those two still on the scene. I pity the imbeciles who actually find truth and (gasp) wisdom in the things they say, but what’s that saying about a people needing to want to help themselves before they can be helped?

"Screw your Stimulus; we'll be HUNTING our food!"

Besides, we have much bigger fish to fry. It’s equal parts appalling and refreshing that the three whitest and most self-satisfied weapons of mass obstruction, Newt Gingrich, Karl Rove and, of course, Rush Limbaugh remain at the helm of the republican clown car. As Glenn Greenwald recently marveled at Salon, should we really be surprised that the bastion of conservative blather, WSJ, continues to give this felon space to shovel his shit? Check this out:

Mr. Obama, on the other hand, routinely ascribes to others views they don’t espouse and says opposition to his policies is grounded in views no one really advocates. . . .It was said that Lincoln crafted his arguments in “resonant words that enriched the political dialogue of his age.” Mr. Obama’s straw men aren’t enriching the dialogue of our age.  They are cheapening it.

That Rove would not be ashamed to write such consistently self-serving claptrap is neither surprising nor novel; how could the Shameless One even fathom the concept of introspection, and embarrassment? Besides, this is all strictly business. What Glenn correctly points out, at the end of his piece, is that what is truly appalling about Rove’s continuing presence is that….he has a continuing presence. That people pay him for his opinion; that the comatose contingency of the MSM actually pay attention to this professional pot-stirrer, is a disgrace. And that’s not the disgrace of opportunistic Republicans (again, we expect no less); it’s the disgrace of what passes for intelligent discourse in America today. Of course, that “liberal rag”, The Washington Post now has the absolutely insufferable W. Kristol on its back page. The only redeeming value of having these ceaselessly deceitful cretins receive prominent air-space is that the GOP talking points are effectively public record, for our edification and amusement.

But, while otherwise sentient citizens can see through the smoke and mirrors (honestly, what else has anyone on the republican side of the playground been offering up the past two months?), the systematic, and typically cynical, bombardment of these infantile talking points (”generational theft”, “socialism”, “big government”) does stall progress and halt momentum–just like it is intended to do. So we have people, particularly people from the states most in the need of genuine governmental intervention and assistance, decrying how tax-payer dollars are being allocated for frivolous shit like rebuilding bridges and bolstering the unemployment benefits of the recently (and not-so-recently) laid off men and women who reside in blue, red and purple states. Hunger and health insurance don’t have political acumen, but the people who control both tend to wear their priorities pretty openly on their cuff-linked shirts. I know the ongoing (worsening?) economic crisis will continue to require Obama and his team to stay after school and straighten things out best they can. But some of the resistance his policies are facing might be mitigated by a discussion that is not only open and honest, but aggressive, aimed at rectifying the utterly backward and malignant misrepresentation of what government actually does. People need to understand what government actually means so that the smirking jackals, and their minions, are not able to malign it with impunity. Props to Bill Maher, but it’s a rather sickening state of affairs that our most passionate and eloquent articulation of common principles is being uttered by a comedian. The too-often battle weary Democratic leadership, and its supporters, need to get the word out, often and with urgency. It really shouldn’t be that difficult to frame the debate by simply speaking the truth.


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